What led to my Divorce?


I grew up in a strict Irish Catholic family of seven kids and two adults.  I even attended boarding schools in high school.  Interesting enough my real mother died from over drinking and my father is a drinker to this day.  My father owned a restaurant and later a bar and liquor store.  It is obvious that my dysfunctional background helped me to want to start drinking when I was eighteen years old.  Since I was born in 1966, I was able to travel over the border to Wisconsin and drink.  Drinking at age eighteen started my love of drinking, attention, showing off, challenges and romances.  Then I got married on 2-22-1992 to a man I fell in love with.  He was a great looking man (Billy Ray Cyrus look-alike).  He was a drinker.  We enjoyed our new married life, new friends and all of the drinking parties.  I joined a volleyball team at our local bar and loved the sport and the drinking. With all of this said I have to admit I was never pulled over by the police and never got a DUI.  Oh am I thankful for these years later.  Anyhow, after two years of a wonderful marriage we decided to have a child.  Once I became pregnant I wanted the best for our child, so I quit drinking, my husband did not.  At first I didn’t have a problem with this but after the child was born I changed.  I decided that I wanted what was best for our child, a girl, and since my mom died when I was five and she was thirty-three, I vowed not to drink or tolerate it in front of our child, which included the/my husband.  I decided to attend AA meetings to make sure I kept sober with a child.  I never thought I would learn so much when I went there.  I went to “get my husband to quit drinking.”  What I learned is that I had to work on me and not him.  What a Revelation! As time passed I did not allow my husband to have any alcohol in our home.  We started to fight a lot, about money, communication problems, and then he would just not come home from work until really late.  He decided to drink after work with his drinking buddies and just ignore his wife and child.  Oh how I was devastated and learned that the meetings were helping me to make my own decisions and to not focus on my husband and his drinking but on my life.  As I started to detach from his drinking and find new found things to do that did not involve drinking, my husband ended up coming home from work when our child was one years old asking for a divorce.  He said, “I fell out of love with you.”  As this came to a big surprise and shock to me, I had to stay strong because of our child.  Needless to say, the meetings helped me to stay strong, not drink and become a divorced single mother working three jobs.  I received “sole custody” of our girl and to this day do not drink.  She is now seventeen years old and I am forty-four.  The best thing I ever did was attend meetings to get the proper help I needed in order to get my life in order to be a strong single mother and raise our girl by myself working three jobs.  I am proud of her and I am proud of me.  I know my real mom is proud that I did such a wonderful job raising her and that I did not follow in the drinking path of destruction by so many in our family.

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12 Comments

  1. Divorce and separation means change and events happening that are out of your control. You can embrace the change and look forward to a new beginning. Perhaps a change in career as well as marital status – lots of people use forced change to implement wanted change as well.

    Reply
  2. Donna, you are strong and great mom too. I am glad you chose to get help for yourself. What about your husband, Still drinking or not? Good luck to you in all of your future endeavors!

    Reply
  3. IPA

     /  11/04/2011

    hi jackie it’s me alice from bloggers your friend. i read this article because in our country we don’t practice this and this is somekind of not common among people here. nevertheless im glad that you were strong enough to face this down moment of your marriage. im still single but i learned from this experience of yours.

    Reply
  4. My situation was pretty much exactly the same as yours. My ex is also remarried to a drinker. I still drink socially, but not very much…I have never regretted leaving that life, or raising my children on my own. (My youngest was 6 months old when I left) They are 16 and 20 now… Congratulations to us for being strong healthy women..xoxox

    Reply
    • Donna, you are strong too! You are a perfect mom too ♥ It is so hard to do what you did and raise the children into the beautiful people they are today. Bless you always!

      Reply
    • Jackie Paulson

       /  01/23/2012

      Donna, amen to that!

      Reply
  5. I am glad you chose to get help for yourself. Isn’t it funny how we learn that what we thought was normal really wasn’t?

    Reply
  6. Thank God for rescuing you from the grips of alcohol.

    What about your husband? Still drinking, around and unmarried?.

    Reply
  7. it’s good to analyze the past sober:
    to make it better in the future!
    +
    congrats for your power to leave
    well known paths!

    Reply
  8. We never state in public media about meetings or call by name the particular organization to which you refer. I can say I attend a 12-Step meeting for alcoholism recovery, however. Usually the 7AM at West Dixie. 9 1/2 years clean and sober. I can say that because I am not ashamed to be in recovery after 35 years of suffering.

    Reply
  1. What led to my Divorce « Post A Day 2011 | Wordpress Challenge

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